Coffeehouse Chronicles: ...and the 3 B's: Burgers, Baseball, and Betrayal

Good afternoon, Chroniclers! Pour yourself a fresh brew and pull up a chair, because we need to talk about the absolute masterclass in weekend survival I just endured. I went into battle against indoor trampolines, erratic meteorologists, and the ultimate culinary betrayal: stealth veggie burgers. If you think your weekend was action-packed, trust me, mine and the HB’s gives you a run for your money.

Saturday: The Great Divide & The Sky Zone Circus

Saturday kicked off with an early morning wake-up call. When you are blessed with nine grandchildren, you quickly realize that you occasionally have to divide and conquer to make appearances. So, the HB and I headed out in completely opposite directions. She took off toward Simi Valley for the Masters track and field event to watch Brenden try to qualify for State in the 110-hurdles. He just missed the cut, unfortunately, but he had a phenomenal senior year—set the high school record, became the league champion, and just did a stellar job overall.

Meanwhile, Your Hero took off in the exact opposite direction toward Riverside, landing myself squarely in the middle of a Sky Zone. For those of you lucky enough to be unaware, Sky Zone is essentially a gigantic warehouse filled with trampolines and screaming kids. It was exactly as fun as it sounds, trust me. I found a spot to sit, up in a loft, overlooking the absolute chaos, essentially acting as an amateur lifeguard. At one point, I watched this one nine-year-old kid climb up on the railing, completely out of his mind, and almost fall right over the side. I swear, what are we thinking at nine years old? Who knows.

I was there hanging out with the Crime Crusher and his minions to celebrate Cooper's birthday. Along with them were twelve of Cooper's closest friends, meaning there was a never-ending supply of pizza, hot wings, and sweaty kids to go around.

By the time that wrapped up, I desperately needed to decompress. I headed over to visit our oldest son, who happens to be the only "blue suitor" we have in the family. He’s a big D3 at number two in blue, and it was exactly the sanctuary I needed. I put my feet up in his backyard, enjoyed some actual adult conversation, puffed on a couple of cigars, and treated myself to one of the tastiest Old Fashioneds I have ever had the absolute pleasure of drinking.

Sunday: The Great Weather Gaslight

Then came Sunday, and we were up again early as heck. I checked the weather for Temecula because that's where the baseball tournament was being held, but my phone decided to play absolute mind games with me. No matter how many times I refreshed it, the app insisted the weather was either going to be a cloudy 69° or a sunny 86°. Talk about confusing. Just in case, I packed some shorts assuming I might need to change later on.

We arrived just in time for the first pitch of the first game, and let me tell you, it was freezing outside—not even close to 70°. I was incredibly grateful that I had the foresight to bring a sweatshirt. Once that game ended, the sun finally decided to make an appearance and it started to warm up, so we threw the EZ-Up canopy tent right on up.

But the weather in Temecula is just downright bizarre. If you stood out in the sun, it was way too hot, but the second you stepped into the shade with the wind blowing, it felt almost arctic. Thankfully, the HB had packed snacks. By then, I was starving, so I downed a couple of Slim Jims and a Pepsi, and I was good to go. We survived the grueling four-hour wait until the second game, enjoyed the matchup, and then headed over to the crime crusher's house to visit with the family.

While we were there, the junior crime crusher announced he was craving some red beans and rice. Grammy jumped right into action and whipped some up. Now, Cooper and Cayden both wrinkled their noses when it was served, but Grammy made them taste it anyway. Sure enough, it was so good they came back for seconds and thirds. We spent a few wonderful hours over there, and by the time we finally stumbled back home, it was straight to bed.

Monday: Memorial Day & The Ultimate Betrayal

Yesterday was Memorial Day, a time to truly recognize and honor the immense sacrifices our soldiers make to ensure we get to enjoy the freedoms we have here in the U.S. My grand plan for the holiday was to spend it resting quietly in the den.

That beautiful dream lasted until about 10:30 AM.

That is exactly when the HB Junior showed up with her family, three dogs, girlfriends, and all kinds of goodies. I suddenly realized, well, I guess we're having a barbecue. We rolled out the Blackstone grill, and my new future son-in-law proceeded to tell me—not once, not twice, but three times—just how much I was going to absolutely love the burgers he brought. Looking back, I should have been incredibly suspicious of the hype. I was just thinking they’d be some standard, high-quality, good-to-go beef patties.

As it turns out, they weren't even meat.

Look, I am totally okay with you being a vegan, a vegetarian, a Presbyterian, or whatever else you want to be. But if you are coming to my house, somebody has got to bring me some real beef!

And that, my friends, is how my action-packed weekend went down. I hope you guys had a great one, too.

Let’s just hope next weekend involves 100% real beef.

Until next time, Chroniclers. You know what to do: Drink 'em if you got 'em!

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