Coffeehouse Chronicles …and We Need to Get Back on the Road!

Good morning, Chroniclers. What flavor of java do you have brewing on this fine day?

As you probably know, the HB and I like to move around a bit. Usually in our very modest, well-appointed mobile apartment. What I have come to realize is that my champagne travel tastes are a serious drain on my PBR wallet. We’re living on a fixed income, and our annual cross-country tours are lining the pockets of some oil baron living in a really large home somewhere in Oklahoma. He’s probably on a private jet over the Gulf heading to his 12,000-square-foot summer cottage in the Bahamas as we’re driving past his compound on I-40.

The best part about having nine grandkids, aside from the warm hugs and sloppy kisses, is that I have tons of baby photos. As they get older, I am going to ‘encourage’ them to help their grandparents, who are now living on a fixed income and only days away from a folded sheet of cardboard, a thick black Sharpie, and a duel with a guy with dirty dreadlocks for a spot on a lucrative freeway offramp. 

It’s time for them to kick in. For years, I have watched them get into my Oreo stash, eat up my vanilla ice cream that I thought I had well-hidden in the big freezer, and drink up all my milk, leaving just a little so they didn’t have to throw the container into the trash. Come to think of it, why don’t we have any dirty glasses in the sink? 

The gravy train has just pulled into the station.

I have a plan. While the Crimecrusher’s little guys are still kind of young yet, I can start with the older ones, and ask for them to crack open their piggy banks, maybe check in with their parents and give me a taste of that college money. As a reward, I will endeavor to do my best that photographs taken in their youth not make it out publicly onto the interwebs. 

If you’ve heard the rumor that I was seen lifting my little finger to the corner of my mouth and murmuring, “One million dollars,” that is exactly what it is—a rumor that cannot be substantiated.

Let’s GO! Papa needs a new RV! I really need to beat those Berners! Has anyone seen that mobile house? Rock stars don’t travel as well as Rick and AJ! I wonder how many grandkids Rick is extorting? I mean…has.

Drink ‘em if you got ‘em!

#coffeehousechronicles