Coffeehouse Chronicles …Land Yachts & Ruby Red Crocs

We're off to see the Wizard!

Hello, Chroniclers. Got yer cup? Let’s go.

The HB and I are out and about with our camping club, The Cruisers, this weekend. Much like always, the cast of characters remains the same; absent are the Doc & Mrs. Mayor. They had a bigger name on the other line. Turns out they’re cruising with The New Guy and his beautiful wife, Mrs. New Guy (Dee-Nice). We’ll miss them, but we’re counting on photos so we can live vicariously through those while the rest of us are landlocked in our land yachts. 

This is where the meeting of the minds took place

First night. Ugh. Okay, so it’s been a minute since we got these big ol’ boats out, and there’s bound to be issues. Cmdr. McCroc didn’t have hot water, and the jacks didn’t wanna cooperate. Nothing says adventure like 45 minutes of arguing with hydraulic jacks. We spent all that time trying to get the jacks down. We reset everything, and then they woke up. The water thing? Beyond my limited expertise, but patience prevailed, and McCroc figured it out. But that hot water thing was contagious. The Right Reverend Doctor and the First Lady were dealing with a similar issue. The Commander went over to see if he could fix it. He couldn’t. The Professor came over to check things out. Nothing going there.

We stared at it for twenty minutes, and then whatever electrical issue was causing the logjam righted itself, and hot water started flowing. We have no idea how, but whatever. Crisis averted.

These are NOT tears of joy!

About this time, everyone had worked up an appetite. The majority of the crew decided on Phở. Your Hero is not a big fan of Phở. Fun fact: Did you know that the proper pronunciation of Phở is “Fuh”? Many of us Americans look at the word all lit up in neon and pronounce it the way it as if is an English word and not a Vietnamese soup: “Foe”. That, my friends, is incorrect. And that is why those of us in the know, drive by the Phở King Restaurant and giggle a little. Phở King: the restaurant name that keeps on giving.

Cmdr. McCroc and I decided we were just gonna hang back and get a cheeseburger instead. Meanwhile, everybody else ended up at Phở King. Now, according to the Professor, because I wasn’t there, and I’m not one to spread gossip. All the Professor wanted was a little spice in his Phở, but apparently, a jalapeño got hold of him. The HB described it to me thusly: He leaned back in his seat, threw his arms up in the air like he was at church during praise and worship, tears rolled down his cheeks, and he started to gag and cough. The Professor reached out and grabbed all of the napkins out of the napkin holder to dab the tears from his eyes. 

Guess who else is down here? The West Coast Obamas. They’re not glamping with us. They just happen to be in town at the same time as we do. Mrs. West Coast Obama sent us, the Commander and Mrs. Scubbles, a note letting us know they were going to check out that “new” show at the Sphere. The Wizard of Oz. New? Okay. Whatever.

So the HB and I headed to the credit union to get a loan for tickets to see The Wizard of Oz. Sphere tickets: because who doesn’t love a second mortgage for entertainment? FYI, the parking was a C-note, so you can imagine how much it cost for the tickets. McCroc and Mrs. Scrubbles just went to the vault in their spare bedroom, got some change, bought their tickets, and we were off to see the wizard.

Winnie & Moe were at the credit union the day we signed our loan papers for the Sphere. They’re regulars there; Winnie goes there to visit her purse collection. How many of you Chroniclers have a designer purse collection valuable enough to be kept in numerous safe deposit boxes? Winnie does. Winnie’s purse collection has its own zip code.

Moe went just to verify that Winnie’s collection hadn’t grown without his knowledge. Moe told me that he’s heard, “…what? This old thing? I bought this years ago…” way too many times to fall for that again. He said he got wise to Winnie when he saw one of Winnie’s “old” handbags featured on the cover of Cosmo with a headline that read “COMING OUT NEXT YEAR.” It would seem that Winnie was so well known on the purse circuit that she was on a 1st name basis with all the designers. Not the salespeople, mind you, the actual designers. The HB told me how Winnie slipped into that weird, fake old movie voice when she heard her talking to her purse broker on the phone. She said that Winnie sounded alarmingly like Thurston Howell, the Third’s wife, Lovee, when Kate Spade called her.

KATE. FREEKIN’. SPADE. PEOPLE. Winnie knows Kate Spade. “Kate, dahling, you know I simply must get a preview of your new line before everyone else gets the opportunity.”

Ok, I’m going to say it: “Winnie, you need an intervention.”

So, anyway, back to Las Vegas, The Sphere and the Wizard of Oz. We Ubered there, and as we got closer, I noticed a physical change in Cmdr. McCroc. He was trembling with anticipation! Now I have to tell you this. I have known the Commander for more than 40 years, and I had no idea. None — that he was a fan of show tunes.

When we got to the Sphere, he was excitedly pointing out the show's artifacts and props to us. The Wizard of Oz, the Emerald City, the Yellow Brick Road, he was positively giddy, folks.

I didn't know it yet, but I was about to be serenaded.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been to the Rocky Horror Picture Show, but I was sitting next to the Commander, and once the movie started, he knew all of Dorothy’s lines. He gazed up at the screen, all doe-eyed, and recited all the cues even before any of the characters said them. He knew all of the songs, and he actually sang a duet with Judy Garland as she belted out Somewhere Over the Rainbow. He danced in his seat with the Munchkins as they welcomed Dorothy to Munchkin Land. When it was over, he ran to the box office and purchased matinee tickets for the next 5 days. The Commander said he’s never had an experience like that. And can’t wait until tomorrow to do it all over again.

On the way back to the resort, the Commander asked our driver to drop him off at the Croc Outlet. He was last seen looking for a pair of Ruby Red Crocs. Ruby Red Crocs: because even Dorothy needed good footwear.

Hey! You know what to do! Drink ‘em if you got ‘em! 

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