Niagara Falls …and Rainy Day Schedule (No Dodgeball)

Good morning, Chroniclers! We are in Niagara Falls, well technically Grand Island, just over the bridge. We woke to the pitter-patter of raindrops falling on the roof of the motorhome. Now, usually the crew’s engineer, the Professor or the HB have checked the forecast and have predicted what’s on the agenda for the expedition, but somehow this got past both of them. Neither one had looked at their smartphone and the rain caught us a little flat-footed.

Your hero thought, “Let’s run around and jump in puddles!” But I was quickly overruled by the rest of the crew. Someone decided to call it a rest day and we all retreated into our respective RVs for a mental health day.

That means a different thing to different members of the crew. Yoko Uno spent the day using her internet to harass her minions back in LA. The Professor spent his time alternating from front to back as he avoided her screaming at the yellow overalled beans on the other side of her computer monitor.

Dr. Francois meanwhile refused to get out of bed. He spent the day eating bon-bons, watching One Life to Live reruns on the Soap Network and rubbing the velvety arms of his smoking jacket, pretending he was living in the Playboy mansion. Samantha Stevens spent most of the morning having staring contests with Stephanie. She’s still confused at how Stephanie beat her every single time. “Why won’t you blink?! Okay, one more game.” Samantha finally gave up after 7,364 straight losses.

Most of you can guess what Cmdr. McCroc was doing. He spent the first half of the day rearranging and recataloging the Crocs he brought along for the trip. Now Chroniclers, you have to realize, space is at a premium when one travels in an RV. McCroc has all of his Crocs stacked in lighted plexiglass display boxes in the closet. Which relegates Mrs. McCroc to pack everything that won't fit in “his” Croc closet into rubber tubs underneath the RV. That’s right. Crocs inside, her clothes go in the cargo area.

He spent the rest of the day leafing through his dogeared Croc catalogs. He has to make do with the spring and summer editions, because he can’t figure a way for the mail to get forwarded to him on the road. He happened to see two pairs that he left at home, but he feels now that he simply cannot do without, but he knows a guy.

Mrs. Centurion spent the day dreaming up a way to embarrass us all. Show a picture of ourselves before we were ten. I was unflustered, because I had just the photo to share. Everyone came up with something. Mr. Centurion looked exactly the same, but with an afro. We may have to change his nickname to Benjamin Buttons. Dr. Francois did NOT understand the assignment. Let me reiterate: the assignment was to show a picture of yourself at the age of ten or less. This dude sent us a photo of his first day of the eleventh grade! He had braces and peach fuzz in his chin!

There must be a disconnect somewhere in that RV, because I now realize that Samantha Stevens neglected to show us a picture of her either. She was probably in the motorhome looking at the HB nodding and saying, “You’ve already seen my picture, right?” We’re onto you Samantha. That hypnosis stuff only works on Stephanie.

Okay, let’s go get wet! Maiden of the Mist standby for the California Love Tour!

One band, one sound.

Drink ‘em if you got ‘em!

#coffeehousechronicles